Dear Boy

Dear boy

Playing at being a man
we are both children today
not old enough to care for another
or each other

I admit
at first I imagined her soft pink fingers
wrapped around mine
enough love for a full round belly
as I held her wide and blue-eyed
to my breast

I wonder if you heard only cries
hers, mine, your own,
smelled the diapers piled high
felt your teenage wallet on a chain
thin in your pocket

I thought you should know
before you kiss your mama goodnight
I did what you wanted
what you could never do
from your crouched and quivering corner

Put on my cape
with fists clenched and faced the darkest night
as fearless as a child alone could be
but not brave enough
to see any other way
I stilled our unborn beating heart today

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